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My minister has just completed an expository sermon series on Judges which compelled me to find ways to tell my salvation story in more detail. I totally relate to Judges 21:25. Past public testimonies have avoided that salvation was related to having two abortions. Australia has developed such horrendous Australian abortion laws which are unbearable for me, so I needed to “come out”.

I’m sure some of you have either experienced or know someone who has had an abortion. Some are like me: they became Christians partly because of their abortion(s). Abortion stories envelop many other scenarios. Non-Christians and Christians, for different reasons, choose abortion. Others courageously suffer humiliation, giving birth as a single woman, then either adopt their child out, or raise them alone or marry and have other children.

I’m now a 70-year-old hospital chaplain and want to listen/pray with women who’ve had or are considering abortion. So many women bear the guilt of abortion, and need to know there’s real release, freedom, peace and hope in Jesus. Now to my story.

I grew up in Hobart, with middle-class parents and two younger siblings, all of whom held a secular 20^th century worldview. My parents were nominal Anglicans, educated at private schools, occasionally attending church at Christmas and Easter, and also for special events.

Morality about abortion wasn’t considered. I didn’t tell them about my first abortion, but did tell my mother after the second, who then told my father. They empathized but never commented on my decision; they always just wanted me to be “happy”. I did consider not having the second abortion: I felt like I was an idiotic tertiary-qualified woman who needed to have another abortion! The second baby’s father (conceived from a “one-night stand”) didn’t want to be a father and helped pay for the abortion. I had met both men (who were friends) while I sang/played in Sydney rock bands.

As I remember, abortion in the late 70’s/early ‘80’s – and even now – is a woman’s personal decision. I’d rationalized abortion guilt away: “I don’t have time to look after a child; I want to be a “rock chick” and/or “it doesn’t suit me”. My thinking was about my wishes, not children’s rights.

Non-Christian Baby Boomers generally don’t consider sex before marriage a vexed issue. I lived with two men before I was converted, and it’s still the “norm”. If I had considered my post-abortion shame, I might’ve reconsidered. Sadly, my heart was very hard (Exodus 4:20, 8:15, 19, 32, 9:7; Mark 6:52).

The abortion processes were brief, and I’m still staggered I received only 5 minutes’ “counselling” beforehand. I was counselled abortion is my body and my decision. I wasn’t told to consider options like birth or adoption. I’ve met some unmarried women (mostly Christians) who opted for adoption and needed to “go public” as their stomachs’ grew. God willing, they received strong and loving support/wise counsel from their families and church communities. Due to abortion shame, their greatest need is knowing God’s love and forgiveness.

Both abortions were done early at 5-6 weeks, as I knew my body was changing. The processes were short and painless, like pap smears. Women I met at the clinic said: “we can’t afford more children” or “it was an accident, and I don’t want a relationship with the father”. Like me, ending pregnancy was their choice; pregnancy was not convenient, and there was no consideration of the baby’s rights.

After both abortions, by the Holy Spirit’s quickening, my abortion views began changing and my sense of moral/emotional guilt increased. I slowly came to understand that aborted babies are human beings, created in God’s image (Gen. 1:27), regardless of the reason for conception. They’re not disposable foetuses. I’d broken every Commandment, including murder (Ex. 20:13). Once, I was very distressed visiting a new mother/baby at Randwick Children’s Hospital and fled in tears. Simultaneously, I began asking non-Christian friends if human life had meaning or purpose? Philosophically, was there a concept called “absolute truth” (ultimate right/wrong)? But my secular friends’ answers were dismal and mutually exclusive. Could I ever discover “absolute truth” and forgiveness, for a fresh start?

In God’s sovereignty, I decided to enroll in an Arts’ degree (majoring in Psychology) at Macquarie University to seek answers. I still lived with a boyfriend, who was, ironically, the son of ex-missionaries from India.

In mid-1982, my first Uni semester, I met a nurse, Deborah, who also studied Psychology. She had become a Christian in her teens, caring for an alcoholic mother. She had chosen life in Christ, rather than suicide. She was intellectually brilliant and blew away my previous negative Christian stereotypes. She gave me a Bible I couldn’t stop reading, and I marked and dated passages, and questioning her incessantly. God was pursuing me; He’s truly “The Hound of Heaven”.

Becoming Christian was increasingly becoming an attractive option, and maybe, the answer to abortion guilt – God’s unconditional love and forgiveness to those in Christ. I could repent and turn to Jesus in faith. Deborah took me to an AFES Uni Bible Study, and I remember having a huge longing to become like these students – free, joyful and at peace.

That Christmas, my boyfriend and I flew to Hobart to stay with my parents. While he was sleeping, on Boxing Day, 1982, I rose early and went to the local Anglican church. That day, the curate gave his first sermon since ordination, which I’ve never forgot: Do you have a God-shaped vacuum in your heart only God can fill? I felt convicted to turn to Jesus and confess my abortion sins. While I didn’t fully understand this commitment, I burst into tears. After the service, concerned parishioners took me to morning tea, then I drove home – a new woman of God.

Returning to Sydney, I found a local church on Sydney’s Northern Beaches and moved to Clontarf with a godly woman. Nevertheless, it took time to settle emotionally and spiritually as a Christian. This included three weeks of spiritual warfare while housesitting, then unwisely singing/playing at a weekly Healing Service beyond my maturity level. It took two years to accept God’s forgiveness. I had a critical lightbulb moment – Jesus’ sacrifice on the Cross must be sufficient for my abortions, otherwise His death and resurrection are a nonsense. These truths sustain me throughout my Christian life.

One reason I haven’t spoken about my abortions is that some Christians make judgments like: “A person who’s had an abortion should never work in Christian ministry”. I’ve worked in Christian ministry since 1990, and no godly minister/institution ever had an issue with my history. My story shows how Jesus brought me out of the “Pit” to Himself (Judges 21:25; Luke 7:36-47). Please, please, never discourage another person in their Christian journey.

Soon after I was saved, I thought about my two babies. I considered their age and sex. It’s now been nearly 43 years since God saved me, so they’d be in their 40’s! Recently, my dear last minister comforted my heart, telling me the babies are in Heaven, and I’ll see them again. I married but never had other children. My ex-husband had two children, and I was a step-mother.

In conclusion, Luke 7:47 speaks of a weeping woman wiping Jesus’ feet with her tears and expensive ointment. This was me: someone forgiven much who loved much. If you are someone, or know someone, who needs a confidential chat about abortion, I’d love to hear from you/them. I’ve created a confidential email address: takinglife2@gmail.com to contact me. Thank you

– Sally Trethewey