AP

Review of Matthew C. Mitchell, Resisting Gossip, CLC, 2013

Reviewer: Mark Powell

I was recently given Matthew’s C. Mitchell’s short book Resisting Gossip by a woman in my church who told me how helpful she had found it. While gossip is a serious sin, it’s one which is rarely addressed, particularly in book length form. Resisting Gossip manages to fill the gap well.

The book itself is divided into four main parts: 1) Recognizing gossip 2) Resisting gossip 3) Responding to gossip and 4) Regretting gossip. There is also an important ‘bonus chapter’ at the end titled, “For Church Leaders” which wisely seeks to apply the principles outlined in the book to the local church.

Gossip and the Gospel

Mitchell’s writing style is engaging and easy to follow. There are plenty of personal anecdotes and extensive quotes from Scripture. One thing I especially appreciated though was how it never dissolved into moralism but was consistently grounded in the gospel.

Not only does this free us from the guilt of having gossiped ourselves but it also gives us the power to forgive those who have gossiped against us. In short, Mitchell rightly argues that we are to “become who we are” in Christ (Eph. 4:22-24).

Resisting Gossip also goes deeper in regard to what is motivating us to gossip in the first place. For example, this could be because we want a sense of power over someone else or because we ourselves are insecure.

Another great aspect to the book was how to resist gossip by replacing sinful speech with godly words. The inspired words of the apostle Paul in his letter to the Ephesians is apposite:

Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you (Eph. 4:29-32).

This is a great passage to keep in mind whenever we open our mouths because it challenges us to be intentional with our speech. To deliberately choose words which will build people up rather than tear them down.

I’ve found that us Aussies have turned insults into an artform, such that if someone becomes upset by what we’ve said then we rebuff them for being too serious. We should routinely stop and consider though the wise words of Solomon:

Like a madman shooting firebrands or deadly arrows is a man who deceives his neighbour and says, ‘I was only joking!’ (Prov. 26:18-19)

As the apostle Paul writes to the Ephesians, when we engage in gossip we are grieving God the Holy Spirit because we are failing to act in holiness and most of all love. It’s impossible to gossip when we are trying to build somebody up. As Mitchell observes: “…gossip hurts at least three people: the one being spoken about, the one hearing the gossip, and the one speaking it.”

How to Respond when Gossiped Against

One of the difficult things in pastoral ministry is having one’s reputation maligned by gossip. Mitchell shares that he himself came close to quitting the pastorate because of it. How easy it is to become despondent or bitter due to the unloving and even malicious words of those in one’s own congregation!

Chapter 7 is especially helpful in what it means to respond in faith when one is the victim of gossip. Mitchell also rightly reminds the reader that there is a practical way forward which we must pursue. This is comprised of four key actions:

First, we should pray. Pray for ourselves to discern if there is any truth in what is being said and that we should repent of. Perhaps this might even be the Lord’s rebuke to us for sins which we may have been guilty of committing ourselves?

But we should also especially pray for those who are speaking against us. As the Lord Jesus commands us as His disciples: “Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you.” (Matt. 5:44)

Second, we should overlook. This might seem counterintuitive, but as Mitchell correctly observes: “Ninety percent of the time, the right thing to do when we are the target of gossip is to simply overlook the offence.” A couple of passages of Scripture are pertinent in this regard:

‘A man’s wisdom gives him patience; it is to his glory to overlook an offense’ (Prov. 19:11).

‘Do not pay attention to every word people say, or you may hear your servant cursing you—for you know in your heart that many times you yourself have cursed others’ (Eccles. 7:21-22).

‘Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins’ (1 Pet. 4:8).

No one is innocent of having gossiped because everyone is guilty of sin. In responding to being gossiped about, we should seek to put it into perspective. Can I continue to love the other person and simply overlook the offence? Most of the time Mitchell says we can!

Third, we should confront. Following on from the previous point though, there are other times when we need to lovingly confront someone about what has been said. Sometimes, we ought not to sweep the matter under the carpet, but clear the air so that our fellowship with our brother or sister in Christ can be restored. The apostle Paul’s words to the Ephesians are once again apt:

‘Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to his neighbour, for we are all members of one body. ‘In your anger do not sin’ [Psalm 4:4] Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold’ (Eph. 4:25-27).

Being prepared to go and see another believer who has sinned grievously (i.e. gossiped) against us is a biblical exhortation which we’re often tempted to ignore (Matt. 18:15-17). Unfortunately, we ‘process’ what has happened not by talking to the person concerned—and so resolving the issue—but by gossiping to someone else. As the apostle Paul says, this only leads to Satan gaining a spiritual foothold in our lives. Unresolved anger and hurt then always leads to more insidious problems later.

Fourth, we should repay evil with good. This is the most revolutionary act of all and can only be performed because of the love and forgiveness we ourselves have first received in the Gospel. Sometimes people will repent of what they have said about us, but at other times they will not. And it’s in those situations where Mitchell applies the following passages of Scripture:

‘Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult, but with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing. For, ‘Whoever would love life and see good days must keep his tongue from evil and his lips from deceitful speech. He must turn from evil and do good; he must seek peace and pursue it. For the eyes of the LORD are on the righteous and his ears are attentive to their prayer, but the face of the LORD is against those who do evil’ (1 Pet. 3:9-12).

‘If you love those who love you, what reward will you get?’ (Matt. 5:46)

‘Love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High’ (Luke 6:35).

The pain of being gossiped about is real. The Lord Jesus Christ experienced it Himself far more than we ever will. But that doesn’t mean we cannot seek to love those who have spoken hate. The power of the Gospel says that we can and even that we must (see Luke 11:4).

While Mitchell doesn’t refer to the incident, a good illustration is found in 2 Samuel 16:5-14 where King David endures the insults of Shimei. After having sinned with Bathsheba, part of the LORD’s discipline is for the kingdom to be divided. As David flees from his son Absalom, one of Saul’s relatives curses and abuses him, even throwing stones and showering David and his men with dirt. While David could have easily had the man killed, the response to his men is enlightening:

‘My son, who is of my own flesh, is trying to take my life. How much more, then, this Benjamite! Leave him alone; let him curse, for the LORD has told him to. It may be that the LORD will see my distress and repay me with good for the cursing I am receiving today’ (2 Sam. 16:11-12).

A few chapters later Absalom is dead, and David is still alive. It’s a profound reminder as to how the LORD rewards us when we hold up under not only unjust suffering, but also trials to which we may have contributed ourselves. 

The Gossip Resistant Church

There is an excellent “bonus” chapter at the end of the book which also seeks to apply the principles of the book to one’s local church. While this is addressed to Christian leaders, everyone who follows Jesus can benefit. Mitchell unpacks the following ten steps:

1. Pray hard;
2. Set a godly example;
3. Teach against the sin of gossip;
4. Encourage loving small talk;
5. Agree to bear with, not bite, one another;
6. Be extra careful with reputations;
7. Watch what you say to outsiders;
8. Open channels for airing concerns;
9. Call each other out;
10. Remember the gospel.

I appreciated this section because it not only showed me how to apply it all to my own congregation, but it also contained much personal wisdom and reflection.

Let’s Take Gossip Seriously!

Resisting Gossip is a great little book (under 180 pages) with lots of discussion questions at the end of each chapter. As such, it would make a great subject for a sermon series and accompanying small group discussion. Dedicated individuals would also benefit enormously from delving deeper into the topic and there are many extra resources included at the end of the book.

While our world sees gossip as something akin to a naughty pleasure, the Scriptures warn us that it is truly wicked. Indeed, the apostle Paul repeatedly warns us that those who give themselves to it are under the judgment of God (Rom. 1:29; 2 Cor. 12:20; 1 Tim. 5:13; 2 Thess. 3:11).

While the words of a gossip might be like ‘choice morsels’ going down (Prov. 18:8; 26:22) they will in the end make one spiritually sick. Resisting Gossip is a reliable guide on the subject and one will certainly be edified by reading it.