AP

All children are born spiritually dead. As David the psalmist says: ‘Surely I was sinful at birth, sinful from the time my mother conceived me’ (Psalm 51:5). As descendants of Adam, we all inherit a sinful nature. What does this mean when we parent our children? How can we get our children off the wide road and onto the narrow road?

Parents must be serious about doing their all to show their children the way of life. Every parent is a Jeremiah – they must set before their children the way of life and the way of death (Jeremiah 21:8). How will this be achieved?

First, take seriously the biblical truth that your children are lost and on the way to destruction. Realise that if they are not in the kingdom of God, then they are citizens in another kingdom. Look 100 years into the future and consider where will your son and daughter be? Providing for the physical and academic needs of your children is important but your priority must be the everlasting welfare of your children.

Randy Alcott counsels parents: ‘Nothing is more important in the life of your child than to be sure that his or her soul is with the Lord. Can you even imagine the thought for a second, parent, that your child could be separated from you one day eternally in hell? So much energy is devoted to college choices and career pursuits and athletic, artistic and academic accomplishments and wedding plans and the list continues. And all of this is important, but nothing is more important than the spiritual soul of your child.’

Second, parents must earnestly pray daily for their children’s salvation. I encourage every parent to download William Scribner’s excellent tract ‘Pray for your child’ which can be found at https://puritansermons.2a03.party/pdf/pray.pdf

Earnest prayer for your child’s salvation must be the godly parent’s daily habit. The greatest blessing you can give your child is to pray for them—to present their names before the throne of grace. As John Flavel encourages us: ‘It is a greater mercy to descend from praying parents, than from nobles.’

Ask God to bless your endeavours to instruct your children. Ask the Holy Spirit to work not only in your own hearts but also in the hearts of your children.

Third, be exemplary Christians before your children. Many Christian parents act and speak in an ungodly way at home. Our children will see our hypocrisy. Cotton Mather urges us: ‘Parents, be exemplary. Your example may do much towards the salvation of your children; your works will more work upon your children than your words; your patterns will do more than your precepts, your copies more than your counsels’. I read of a Christian father who, when told the phone call was for him, told his wife in front of his children that he was not at home. Children are skilled at seeing the discrepancies between what we say we believe and what we do instead! If we say heaven and hell are true and believe the gospel is crucial, then we must live as we speak. John Angell James has a word for parents: “Let your children have this conviction in their hearts, ‘If there are but two real Christians in the world, my father is one, and my mother is the other”.’

Fourth, discipline your children in love. In Victorian times many a parent had the reputation for being distant and cold towards his child. Make sure that you love them! But love is not ignoring their sin. Your children’s heart is a field. You must actively and wisely plough that field. That will mean planting seeds and pulling weeds. Spurgeon advises parents: ‘Where the plough does not go and the seed is not sown, the weeds are sure to multiply. And if children are left uncultivated, all sorts of evil will spring up in their hearts and lives’. Being overly strict and unloving will only lead to your child disliking God even more. Discipline actively, but demonstrate love and in so doing you will show that the Christian life is amiable.

A great mistake many parents make is believing that morality is equal to salvation. If little John and Mary are well-liked by their teachers for their behaviour at school and are polite at home, then they are likely saved. Perhaps your children are but many a time we confuse morality with salvation. Moral, self-righteous people will go to hell just as much as the Hitlers and Stalins of the world. The broad way is filled with moral people. Spurgeon again has a wise word: “There is a clean path to hell, as well as a dirty one. You will be lost if you trust to your good works……there is a road to perdition along the ‘highway of morality’, as surely as down the ‘slough of vice’”. Don’t mistake morality for grace or the gospel.

Fifth, know your enemies. Parents and their children have three great enemies – their sinful selves; the world; and the devil. They will fight against your endeavours. Satan will do his utmost to keep your child within his kingdom, and he is no sluggard. If parents are passive in teaching their child the Bible and the Gospel, you can be certain the devil will be active to teach them to remain within his kingdom. This is a spiritual battle for the soul of your child. You must be in the fight.

The devil does not pray. He has no one to pray to. But if he could pray, what would he ask for regarding your children? The devil has one chief aim, one singular purpose. He has nothing but evil murderous intent for our children. He has no scruples. If parents are careless, lazy, and indifferent in instructing their children the way of truth, then you can be certain the devil will be active in capturing our children. Parents must do their utmost to ensure that hell is less full and that their children’s names are in the Lamb’s book of life.

Make it your own singular purpose, your chief end in your life, your first thought in the morning, your thoughts as you lie down and even as you sleep: ‘What can I do to prevent the eternal misery of my child?’

(J. C. Ryle’s excellent booklet The Duties of Parents is highly readable and practical, and contains a wealth of useful advice on how to raise godly children. Freely available on the internet for download).

– Troy Appleton