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BEING A SINGLE CHRISTIAN

The search for intimacy is deeply personal for every Christian, although our emotions may easily muddle up clear guidance that the Lord has given to us in the Bible about such matters. This article aims to help single Christians in the task of thinking biblically about singleness and marriage.

Lord, why am I still single?

The Lord has different specific reasons as to why some Christians are single. He has a different plan for each of us. Perhaps it’s because of your birth (Matthew 19:12). Or the Lord may give you the unwanted trial of singleness for you to grow in your dependence on Him (James 1:12). Your plans for an earthly family might be halted to get you to focus on the Lord’s mission for growing His eternal family.

Loneliness and Lust

To those struggling with loneliness, the Lord might want you to pay more attention to investing in your existing relationships with His people. Lust might be your besetting sin – our loving heavenly Father would guard His precious son or daughter from falling into your hands until you flee and cut off that sin from your life.

Aim to please

Although we may not know the specific reason why God has kept us single, we know our aim is to please Him. We may please Him better in our singleness, and so avoiding the earthly distractions of marriage (1 Corinthians 7:32-35).

However, it’s not a sin to marry, and the apostle Paul advises that it’s better to marry than to burn with passion (1 Corinthians 7:9). The Lord promised to bless you with the people you need if you put Him first – so the Lord will bless you with a wife too, if He knows that is who you need (Matthew 19:29). It’s wise to prepare now for marriage if you have that desire.

Preparing for marriage

If you’re a man, read the Scriptures on what men and husbands are to be like, and aspire to be such a man. If you are a woman, read what the Bible says women and wives are to be like, and work at being such a woman. Then, read what the Lord says the opposite sex should be, so you know whom you should marry. Good passages include Ephesians 5:22-33; 1 Timothy 2:8-10; 1 Peter 3:1-7. Reject any worldly feminism that asserts women should be independent of men. Women need to submit to the God-man Christ. Men ought to discard the unrealistic idea that they should be independent of others, as it is not good for a man to be alone (Gen.2:18). 

Learn from the mistakes from the Old Testament saints; their lives can serve as a warning for us (1 Cor.10:11). David destroyed his family because of his wandering eye. Solomon ruined his kingdom by choosing the wrong wife (or wives in his case!)

On the other side of the coin, be encouraged by other Old Testament examples. Esther wasn’t just a pretty face – her wisdom and courage saved God’s people. Ruth, the foreigner, was determined to follow Naomi the Israelite and her God, and the Lord granted her a loving husband. The Lord God is Israel’s loving Husband, who loved her even when she was unloving to Him.

Singleness for the Kingdom

Perhaps you are not actively looking to get married. The Lord will surely honour the Christian’s voluntary decision to not seek a wife, but remain single for the kingdom. Jeremiah was told not to seek a wife (Jer.16:2) due to his troubled times, and Paul too was determined to remain unmarried even though he had a right to take a wife with him on his travels (1 Cor.7:6-7; 9:5-6). Charles Simeon ministered at Cambridge for over fifty years without ever marrying.

In all things, in marriage and in singleness, be content in the Lord.

– Patrick Jason