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Reformed Thought for Christian Living
A Vexed Pastoral Issue One of the most vexed personal decisions Western Christians face today is whether or not to attend an LGBTIQ wedding of a family member or friend. […]
One of the most vexed personal decisions Western Christians face today is whether or not to attend an LGBTIQ wedding of a family member or friend. Nobody who follows Jesus wants to destroy the relationship or lose the opportunity to present the Gospel to those they know. But at the same time, we want to both honour the LORD as well as not be a stumbling block to others (See Matt. 18:6).
Unfortunately, sometimes the Gospel brings us into conflict with those we are closest to. And it is at that point which our loyalties are truly tested. As Jesus says in Matthew 10:34-39:
Do not think that I came to bring peace on earth. I did not come to bring peace but a sword. For I have come to set a man against his father, a daughter against her mother, and a daughter-in-law against her mother-in-law’; and a man’s enemies will be those of his own household. He who loves father or mother more than Me is not worthy of Me. And he who loves son or daughter more than Me is not worthy of Me. And he who does not take his cross and follow after Me is not worthy of Me. He who finds his life will lose it, and he who loses his life for My sake will find it.
What this means is that our relationship with Jesus must come before all other earthly loyalties. And this is where our allegiance to Him is tested. Christ Jesus calls us to what Dietrich Bonhoeffer famously referred to as “costly discipleship”. One in which we take up our cross and we die to the applause of the world. Because this is what it means to bear witness to Christ in a world which lives in rebellion to Him.
A social media storm obviously erupted recently then, when the well-respected evangelical preacher Alistair Begg, told a Christian grandmother that she should attend a transgender wedding involving her grandson so that she wouldn’t be perceived as being “unloving, judgmental, critical, and unprepared to countenance anything.”
It should be noted that Begg does not support gay marriage and neither would he commend Christians usually attending a gay wedding. But Begg suggested that he would advise someone to sometimes attend as a way of showing love and preserving the relationship.
Since then though, Begg has doubled-down on his comments stating that he “is not yet ready to repent over this…I don’t have to”. (This was probably in response to the article by Robert Gagnon which can be viewed here). Some evangelical Christians agree with Begg that the decision to go a gay or transgender wedding is a ‘disputable matter’ (i.e. Rom. 14), which should be left to an individual’s conscience[1]. But an increasing number of theologians and pastors teach that Christians should not celebrate an LGBTIQ marriage by attending.[2]
The problem is actually not a modern one but was an issue which even the people in Jesus’ day faced. John the Baptist famously confronted Herod over his incestuous marriage to Herodias, his brother Philip’s wife (Matt. 14:1-12; Mark 6:14-29; Luke 3:19-20). John was both imprisoned and later beheaded due to his confrontation with Herod and Herodias over their incestuous ‘marriage’.
This is a helpful analogy in that it helps us to see the issue from another perspective and an angle of which we are yet to be confronted with, namely incest. What follows then is a ten-point summary as to why a Christian should never support or even attend an LGBTIQ union.
The Presbyterian Church of Australia’s Public Worship and Aids to Devotion Committee,[3] outlines that the congregation—and also couple—be asked the following questions:
Declaration of Lawfulness
If anyone can show any reason why this marriage would not be lawful, let them now declare it.
And I require and charge you both, knowing that you are answerable to God, that if either of you know any reason why your marriage would not be lawful, you declare it now.
Normally there are only nervous looks between the bride and groom, as well as uncomfortable laughter from the congregation, at this point in the ceremony. No one expects someone to say something at this point and it rarely if ever occurs. However, when it involves an LGBTIQ couple the issue quickly becomes relevant.
Historically, the question was there to safeguard against the unlikely—but not altogether impossible—situation of either one of the couple being married to someone else at the time. Or, as was the case with Herod and Herodias, being a close relative to one another. However, because both LGBTIQ desire and behaviour is a transgression of God’s law, one would be duty bound to stand and voice his or her opposition to the unlawful union from proceeding.[4]
Following on from the previous point, even if the ceremony was not conducted according to the specific religious rites of a Christian denomination, a Christian could not offer his genuine ‘congratulations’ to the couple. As Al Mohler, President of Southern Baptist Theological Seminary has said:
Remember that the traditional word used of those who are attending a wedding is that they are celebrants. They are there to celebrate the wedding. It is virtually impossible to go to … a wedding of a same-sex couple and go and smile and not give affirmation to what you believe to be fundamentally contrary to nature and injurious to human flourishing.
If you are consistently biblical in your thinking, you simply can’t go to a wedding that actually isn’t a wedding, for a marriage that you don’t believe is a marriage. One of the principles that has guided the Christian church through the centuries is that the Church cannot sanction and Christians should not celebrate weddings that are illicit or unlawful according to Scripture.
Celebration and public affirmation is precisely what is expected at weddings but cannot sincerely be given by a Christian because the people being married are doing something that God has said is an ‘abomination’ and as such, will result in everlasting punishment (Lev. 18:22; Rev. 21:8).
Regardless of any change in secular law, a wedding that does not involve a man and a woman goes against the creation design God established in the beginning (Gen. 1:27-28; 2:24). This is still the case with a transgender wedding because one participant is rebelling against how he/she was made by God Himself (Psalm 139:13-16). And the other person is affirming this rebellion.
Hence, for Christians to give their affirmation to such an event is to give their assent to something which they know is a lie. As John Piper explains in answering a question about whether a Christian should attend a ‘gay marriage’,from ten years ago:
It’s not a wedding because it’s not a marriage, and therefore attending it as a wedding is to be false, like everyone there is being false. There is no such thing as a so-called ‘same-sex marriage’. God has defined marriage as a covenantal union for life between a man and a woman, as husband and wife. This isn’t that, therefore it is not a marriage and this is not wedding. I’m not going to lie about it by going.
In a wedding the couple are publicly declaring to family and friends both their resolve, commitment and intention to a life-long sexual union. And they are asking everyone present to support them in fulfilling such goals.
This means that in an LGBTIQ wedding they are announcing their commitment not to repent, but to continually rebel against the One who made them. A Christian can never support such a decision because the Bible explicitly warns us not to be deceived that such an unrepentant person will ever enter the kingdom of God (1 Cor. 6:9-11).
The Lord Jesus Christ declares in Matthew 19:6, “So they are no longer two, but one. Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate.” In the light of what has already been outlined above, this simply cannot be true of an LGBTIQ couple. Indeed, For example, Rosaria Butterfield argues that transgenderism is itself an expression of the sin of envy, i.e. the covetous desire to be something which one is not.[5]
Significantly, the “exception clause” of porneia (sexual immorality) mentioned by Jesus in Matthew 5 and chapter 19 as being the only grounds for divorce would have included all forms of LGBTIQ practice. Hence, a Christian should encourage any LGBTIQ family member or friend to divorce rather than remain faithful in an unbiblical ‘marriage’.
The apostle Paul teaches in Ephesians 5 regarding marriage that, “This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church” (Eph. 5:32). There is a beautiful symmetry which is reflected in marriage of that between Jesus and ourselves. But with an LGBTIQ couple this ‘mystery’ is not only lost, but also horribly distorted. Indeed, the unbiblical union is a sign of not of the Gospel of Christ but of their own idolatry i.e. the creature worshiping some aspect of creation rather than the Creator (Rom 1:18-25).
The mantra of the same-sex marriage campaign was that “love-is-love”. While catchy—and to many people persuasive—the statement is ethically vacuous. The slogan begs the question of what love is? And how it is different from lust.
As David Maher, a former Moderator for the Presbyterian Church of NSW, argued in a speech at Scots College Bellevue Hill, it is the philosophical equivalent of saying “cat food-is-cat food”. Because just as a cat could be attracted to eating something which is in reality harmful to itself (e.g. chocolate), so too sexual relations with someone of the same sex results in physical, psychological and spiritual harm.[6]
Alistair Begg suggested to a Christian grandmother recently that she could attend the wedding of her transgender grandchild because, “Your love for them might catch them off guard, but your absence will simply reinforce the fact that they said these people are what I always thought: judgmental, critical, unprepared to countenance anything.” But as former homosexual, Becket Cook helpfully explains, the opposite is actually the case:
The apostle Paul tells us what love is. Love is not affirming someone’s sin. In 1 Corinthians 13, Paul says, “Love is patient and kind, love does not envy or boast, it is not arrogant or rude, it does not insist on its own way, it is not irritable or resentful—and this is the key verse—it does not rejoice at wrongdoing but rejoices with the truth.” So, when you go to a gay ‘wedding’ you are rejoicing at wrongdoing.
Cook further explains that it is also a confusing witness to unbelievers because it testifies to everyone who is there that you are in agreement with what is occurring.
There are plenty of different ways we can show love to people we know who are transgender or somewhere along the LBGTIQ+ spectrum. As John Piper says:
My not going is not me drawing away from my child, but of his drawing away from me. I am where I have always been – arms wide open for the home-coming prodigal, ready to forgive anything.[7]
The apostle John likewise states, “If anyone comes to you and does not bring this teaching, do not take him into your house or welcome him. Anyone who welcomes him shares in his wicked work” (2 John 10-11). While we should build bridges with unbelievers socially, attending a trans wedding is clearly a form of ‘welcome’ which should be avoided. As John Piper wisely explains:
A blessing of this event would be hateful. It would be hateful of me to do it because it would be confirming a life and lifestyle which will lead to hell. The apostle Paul said, ‘Don’t be deceived, neither the sexually immoral nor idolaters or adulterers, nor men who practice homosexuality, or thieves, or greedy, or drunkards, or revilers, swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God’. They won’t.
So, to celebrate this lifestyle, to celebrate the destruction of human beings, is hateful. It would be like gathering to celebrate theft, gathering to celebrate drunkenness, gathering to celebrate swindling. Let’s all have a meeting and celebrate greed! Let’s all have a meeting to celebrate adultery! Anybody who joins in celebrating sin is sinning.[8]
While it is impossible to discern everyone’s motives, it’s important to ask ourselves whose praise are we ultimately seeking? Is it the LORD’s, or is approval of those around us. In response to the question, ‘Do I attend the gay wedding of my son?’, Rosaria Butterfield’s answer is as clear as it is unequivocal:
No, you cannot attend your son’s gay wedding and maintain faithful witness for Christ. Fear of your son’s rejection or hatred is real, and for that reason, you will need to spend many hours of prayer under the direction of your pastors and elders. Among other things, prayer strengthens you to receive the command that God gives you. While fear of your son’s rejection is natural, it is also a snare. “The fear of man lays a snare, but whoever trusts in the Lord is safe” (Prov. 29:25). A snare is an instrument of execution intended to trap you and torture you. Your only protection against the fear of man is the fear of God. Jesus understands, and he says, “If anyone comes to me and does not hate his own father and mother and wife and children and brothers and sisters, yes, and even his own life, he cannot be my disciple” (Luke 14:26). Jesus anticipated this difficult cross and gives clear instruction. The word of God knows our needs better than we do.[9]
As Christians we must avoid all appearances of evil and not be unequally yoked. Those who own the name of Christ should “avoid every kind of evil” (1 Thess. 5:22). What this means in practice is not to be unequally yoked with unbelievers (2 Cor. 6:14-7:1). LGBTIQ desires and practice are contrary to the Word of God, and Christians should therefore not attend ceremonies such as weddings which publicly celebrate such rebellious lifestyle choices.
We live in fallen world, which is always at war with Almighty God, and as such, anyone who chooses to become a friend of the world is immediately at enmity with Him (James 4:4; 1 Jn. 2:15-17). Significantly, one of the areas in which this spiritual conflict is increasingly being fought is in the bedroom. And ever since the Western re-definition of marriage, this is especially expressed by the question of whether or not a Christian should attend a wedding which is clearly against God’s will?[10]
– Mark Powell
[1] It should be noted what Paul also says in Romans 14:22b, “Blessed if the man who does not condemn himself by what he approves.”
[2] See especially: https://www.ligonier.org/learn/articles/true-compassion-lgbtq-weddings?fbclid=IwAR21nYHl7TvGZNXFHt0mW_muwFcad3qmjz7QPo8B8x8z6mIh9Mz-VVcf5FA
[3] The Anglican Book of Common Prayer has an almost identical liturgy. See https://www.churchofengland.org/prayer-and-worship/worship-texts-and-resources/book-common-prayer/form-solemnization-matrimony
[4] See the author’s interview with Rosaria Butterfield here: https://ap.org.au/2023/10/22/interview-rosaria-butterfield/.
[5] See Rosaria Butterfield, Five Lies of Our Anti-Christian Age (Crossway, 2023), especially pages 193-211.
[6] Thus, rather than being “homophobic and misogynistic” David Maher’s comments are both logical and loving.
[7] Unfortunately, Alistair Begg distorted the meaning of Jesus’ parable by suggesting that the transgender relative was the equivalent of the ‘prodigal son’ whereas those in the church who preach against such immorality were the Pharisaical ‘older brother’. Begg went on to say that it is self-righteous people like that who would be “quite interested in committing” the same sin themselves. But what Jesus’ parable in Luke 15 actually teaches is that the prodigal son was repentant of his sin, whereas the older brother refused to welcome such a person in. A trans wedding though, is publicly affirming their rebellion, and moral compromise in Christian leaders often results in a weak stance on sin rather than an outspoken one.
[8] https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UousPa1ks0w Emphasis mine.
[9] Butterfield, Five Lies of our Anti-Christian Age, 301.
[10] For an excellent discussion as to how theological compromise has affected the Christian church in Australia in the 21st century, especially involving the subject of sexual ethics, see Mark Durie, Double-Minded: How Sex is Dividing the Australian Church (Deror Books, 2023).
