AP

Testimony of an Abortion Survivor

 “For You formed my inward parts;

You wove me in in my mother’s womb” (Psalm 139:13).

Politics and religion: it used to be said they were subjects to avoid in a social setting.  But at least they could be mentioned as taboo.  Have you ever chatted to those close to you about abortion?  It’s too traumatizing for most people, especially for those of us who’ve been on the receiving end of the procedure.

My name is Janice and I am a baby twin survivor of abortion in the 1950’s… and I am so thankful because through the trauma, I have come to know and trust Jesus’ love and forgiveness!

Thankfully dad took us to Sunday School from a young age and I received Jesus as my Saviour at 8, and thus began my walk and Bible reading.

In early 2002 I began to have nightmares and flashbacks of my early life.  Jesus was unlocking hidden memories.  I had been participating in Elijah House ministry courses and was in a safe place to experience increasingly deep heart ministry and Holy Spirit healing.  I continued to experience healing through trained prayer counsellors in Australia, New Zealand and the USA for the next 20 years.  This was life-changing for me and for my husband.  All my rejection, shame, compliance, lack of belonging, extreme fear (even in my denial), and surviving one day at a time, have slowly been healed by my loving Father God.  Praise Jesus, I have a totally different spiritual heart today.

The truth is I’d never felt I belonged anywhere.  I’m not good with humour or chat because for me, life’s always been serious.  It wasn’t until healing began that I consciously felt the deep terror from the attempts at termination.  My go-to place when I’m under pressure and feeling unsafe was, and sometimes still is, to go blank.

Early in healing I felt Jesus leading me to forgive mum and, with access to His great courage, I was able to do so.  Sadly, mum passed away six weeks later.  After many years of silence my much-loved aunt confirmed mum’s abortion attempts.

The little one within was devastated by sheer unwantedness.  I was overwhelmed with a kind of shame and closed off to much of ‘life’.  Like Adam in Eden, shame denied me access to forgiveness and repentance.  This was a major blockage to my healing as no amount of encouragement or positive thinking could plug the lies I’d believed!  However, I asked the Lord to convert my shame into guilt.  Shame refers to who I am; guilt to what I did.  My identity had been imprisoned by the belief: ‘I am worthless, I am unlovable, I am rejected.’  Realising this was not me, but that I am guilty of seeing myself that way, I was able to go to Jesus for forgiveness, to repent, and be heart-healed and so begin life anew!

I often ponder the unresolvable conflict for later children born post-abortive.  The womb has become a place of violence and this affects all subsequent children.  What God intended to be the safest place in the world has become a trauma zone.

I have the blessing of meeting monthly with international members of the Abortion Survivor’s Network.  This time is special as we just connect from shared experience.  Also, most of us have come to trust Jesus for His ongoing healing and protection.

Prayer

Loving Father God, may You remind us that only You are good…and we are all unrefined vessels.  Help us to accept Your love and forgiveness, leading us to repentance for our complicity with abortion in our society.  I pray we hear Your still, small voice in our hearts, telling us You created us all in Your image. 

Amen

– Janice Speirs